The Lost Piece

It was a cold night when warmth was first felt,

now it burns the mark that was left.

It was a bright spring when the hands first met,

now it blinds with misery and theft.

In no way he would have known all of it would end,

now a puzzle inside dies, to have it back.

He wasn't briefed about the loss it would bring,

now it clenches his heart with lack.

Memories were made as high as a spire,

now haunted like empty ruins.

He had hopes as high as the sun,

now forever caged by the desperate doings.

They despise him for digging it up,

for looking back at those times.

Let be it this once,

even if it's for some words,

For he knows speaking his heart

will never be a crime.

An Enchanted Youth

He who walked into the fire, barefoot

without knowing what was in store for him,

felt the heat of a thousand suns

then grasped why it was so torturing.

He who believed in those above him

when one day saw them abscond,

noticed it was his own fault for

trying so hard to belong.

He who trudged up the silent hill

without looking back at the trail,

witnessed crying with the shattered glass,

saddened and frail.

He who stared down from the third earth

wanting for it all to end,

found hope inside those thick walls

forbidding himself to impend.

He who saw a dream beyond his reckoning

forever found it to be a trance,

but when the thirsty times really came

he missed his only chance.

He who got lost among the wolves

later found them to be horned deers,

he kept howling till he became dumb

and yet nobody in the world could hear.

Afflictions

This is when the pain was felt--

in bright summer after the ninth spring,

when the bluebirds died and sparrows winged.

This is how the pain was felt--

with a broken heart and tainted wit,

with blackened orbs and thinning build.

This is where the pain was felt--

near a busy road and a rotting place,

near a vacant land and a jammed space.

This is why the pain was felt--

for their sake and for his own,

for the child who's long grown.

Winter

The winter winds soothe the soul

but my head still hurts the same.

All the leaves turn yellow and fall

still you cannot call out my name.

The car windows get too foggy, but

still can't stop the flickering flame.

The walls are getting cold to touch, but

my heart is cold, and you're to blame.

Imposter Syndrome

My body functions well

but I still feel incomplete.

I want to swim in the ocean

but I can’t feel my hands and feet.

When I look around me

the signs are too bleak.

But I can't help myself

and feel so weak.

They don’t say a thing

but their voice is too loud.

I have a bag full of insecurities

but this one, I’m not so proud.

I’m running from my shadow

and it keeps chasing me still.

I want to climb to the peak

but I’m slowly dying on this hill.

I wonder if they know or not,

I’m not what they think.

I’m always floating with them,

but it feels like I’m going to sink.

I know it lies to me so,

I don’t let it get to my heart.

I’m trying my best to breathe

but the waves are tearing me apart.

The War Within

Sun's dying faith racing

Into the chilling night.

A moment of quite paralysis.

A glimmer of the eerie silence.

Agonies of war inside.

Realms of the beautiful violence.

Moments of catastrophe.

And moments of truce too.

The flame of life, flickering.

The paranoia, truly sickening.

2020-2024

Leave Me

Leave me in a gloomy grove

Let me die in peace.

Leave behind all the loathe.

Let me rot in soil and grease.

Leave me in the wilderness

Let me decay in silence.

Leave all the gloves and rags

Let me burn like sun, with violence.

Leave me without the evocation

Let me mould with grace.

Leave me with all this Earth

Let me perish without a trace.

All of Them Keep Falling

All of them keep falling

one by one, piece by piece

They go away with no warning

and take my soul with them.

I see them on the floor

and lifeless in my hands.

They don't say a word to me

Only a subtle indifference.

All they do is bless me

with a deafening silence.

Like ravens,

they tear my flesh away

they perish,

take my breath away.

And leave the traces of pain,

Dried blood in all these veins.

Is The World Insane?

All that’s felt is pain in November rain.

The wicked thoughts cut me all day,

But all the wounds end up in vain.

Is it my sick soul that’s corrupt?

Or am I just drowning in shame?

The mist keeps rising, fading my name.

I'm crying for a reason that will never change.

The forest fire it once was,

Now it’s just a flickering flame.

The essence evades me,

Leaving just the picture frame.

I'm waiting for the dark clouds,

That might never rain.

Is it you? Dear disgrace?

Or is it my friend, the filthy fame?

Once the winter knocks my door,

Nothing will ever be the same.

Is it my fault or is the world insane?

I’m Used to It

I'm used to the—

Sound of shattering mirrors,

Shouts of the scary thunder,

Monotony of black and white,

A broken heart's ache and fright,

Hurting heat in the month of July,

Streets being cold at night.

I'm used to—

My birthday nights being silent,

Street dogs being violent,

Being forgotten in the crowd,

Falling and finding my way around,

The recipe that never tastes good,

The language that's misunderstood.

I'm used to—

Being forgotten and left alone,

Being abandoned with no home,

Having no one to call my own,

Having my hopes being thrown,

Diamonds shattering like stones,

I'm used to dying unknown.

Gates of Hell

Shattered stairs I couldn’t walk well.

Feet trembling at the gates of hell.

There is no escape and no return.

All that's left for me is to quietly burn.

Here I stand, deep drunken in haze

Bloodshot eyes of smoky embrace.

Here lies shame and the desperate cries,

My futile tries and blasphemous lies.

2021-23

Distant Memories

A vivid fabric it once was

Became the shroud of the goner.

The flow of love which was once felt 

Stays stagnant within the mourner.

The blood that moved

through the heart with faith, 

now clots it with malice and treachery.

And all that's left are 

mere remnants of a distant memory.

An Early Autumn Leaf Fell

He fell like an early autumn leaf,

silent and weak.

Everyone around gazed suddenly,

some sneaked a peek.

He wished to meet then earlier

but to him, time wasn't so kind.

He slept while staring at the heavens 

so much, even the night could go blind.

Tears shed like rain and 

clayey depth was near,

He was amidst them but

nobody could see or hear.

Time went by and

so did their lives, without pain

and then nobody was ever

bewitched by the rain.

Death

Life's vague,

Life’s a miss.

Death’s fate, 

Death’s a bliss.

Life’s noise,

Life’s grief.

Death’s silent,

Death’s a relief.

Life’s war,

Life’s a weep.

Death’s peace,

Death’s sleep.

Stuck on The Wrong Date

Paralysis, 

Body stays limp and

the head’s all over the place.

Misery,

Nobody whispers a word

yet the heart suffers at every pace.

Recursion,

People fade away but

the memory loops play.

Escape,

The mind pulls me near

but the heart wants to stay.

Hatred,

Days are blurry and

the nights are pale.

Wonder,

Is it my fault?

Or am I stuck on the wrong date?

To Begin Again

Cowardice was once an option, 

now it's no more than a child's wish.

Have been here too long to whine,

the wit is now used to the brick.

Everyday a new fiend clenches the throat

but some days it feels as if—

I’m the one who accords to choke.

The fervour alive at dawn

has now died like the setting sun, 

just to come alive and burn again—

like a glowing spark left to get shunned.

Soul keeps aching with this haze,

long haven't felt sanity’s embrace. 

Ample time drifted putting up this fight,

need a plunge to begin this life.

2020-21

The hallways of being are haunting as always and empty as forever. The silence gnaws at the wit and calls to you. But you never seem to answer. The windows, too, are always open, but you cannot escape or falter. The skies, at a glance, feel clear and white but there's always the wolf howling at night. And you trudge along this maze trembling and falling, broken and bawling, with no end in sight. And you keep looking back at all the closed doors behind you, still waiting for something.

Your life is spent

Trying to find something,

Looking for something.

Something that cannot be found.

Something that isn’t around.

Trying to find something,

In everything you do and

everywhere you go.

On your bed,

In your head,

In your books,

In what you cook,

On the Internet and,

In cheap ciggarettes,

In all the coffee shops,

And near all the bus stops.

In the vast oceons of your soul,

Something that will make you whole.

And to love and to be loved is to find that something, something that you had been missing. It's the unknown blessing for which you have been wishing. To love is to fill the deep crevices of your heart, to fill the gaps that tear you apart. To love is to breathe for the first time again. It's the sweetness of the air and the warmth of your heart beating. It's the feeling that you are human again. It's the shiny pink and beige horizon after years of sailing the dark sea.

It’s the blood gushing through your veins.

The air that you need to breathe again.

You'll yearn for it in the darkest of nights.

Its thought taking you to euphoric highs.

The green light you will wait for in traffic.

Turning you into a blind manic.

It'll bring you peace like ocean waves,

So full of life,

It makes the dead escape the graves.

A beige pill that the sickly need,

Mercifully curing whoever bleeds.

Like a cheesecake that's forever sweet.

It’s the Gulmarg Hills where the beauty bleeds.

To love is to feel oneness and belonging, with the world and beyond it. Beyond anything else you can ever feel. To love is to be seen, heard, and felt. It's like arriving on a land that was never on the map. All the seas and storms sailed through seem worth it and all the friends lost on the way too. They sing with you and for you in your glory from heaven. The curses lose their effect, and all the prophecies become untrue. And the children of the land look at you and your broken ship, with wonder, happy that you made it this far, most never do.

And you sit at the shore, looking up at the sky, wondering why you never looked up before because the moon is beautiful, it always has been. It's only you who beheaded yourself from seeing it your whole life, but in love, you are revived at last. You are alive to see it, with your new beige eyes, and the world doesn't appear so black and white.

The moonlight is so blinding and bright,

It dyes your eyes a peaceful white.

And the sea dances to its song,

And the waves rise and fall.

It’s the cold tides on the shore,

Making even the best springs shy.

It’s the best drug of hope,

Taking you to cathartic highs.

A leap of faith you'll always take,

A journey you'll happily make.

Your own heaven of undying bliss,

Stuck forever in this enchanted abyss.

And it will be all you'll ever see.

In the brightest of days and

The darkest of nights,

When the clouds subside and

The storms arrive.

In the blinding summer light and

The frightening winter quite.

In the frostbitten deserts and

The heavy blizzards.

In a sky full of stars and

Traffic full of cars.

In all of Saturn's moons and

All the hallway rooms.

It'll be all you'll ever see.

You don't know how to swim, but to love is to let go, it is to dance with the sea and float on the waves, rising and falling, going wherever it takes you. To love is to drown as deep as the moonlight goes. To dive deep into the oceans of your soul. You will be lost, but you will be whole. And you'll be dying sick for the flower you never picked.

Because the moon is far far away, so far that you can never reach it, no matter how hard you try. It strips you of all its moonlight and goes away in hiding. And now the sun has come on the horizon, starting a day that will never end.

The sunlight is as blinding as ever

And keeps burning you bit by bit.

You'll never feel the moonlight on your face again

But you will forever yearn for it.

You will keep looking out for the time it's night again but the beige light has left your eyes. Now all you see is black and white. Your world's lost in vain and it will never be night again. The seas will stare at you in pity, your ship now a hearse, what felt like a ballad of life once, will turn into an undying curse. And you will be locked out your heaven forever.

Now, it's all you who has remained,

your welcome you have overstayed.

And now you are locked out of the house,

On the shore that you built for yourself.

It's raining and the doors were slammed shut

And now you will stand in the rain forever.

It will be your reality,

not the streets you used to walk.

The silent cries of your longing will haunt them.

It's the house you called home.

You knew all the rooms so well,

how they feel and how they smelled.

But you will never be in those rooms again.

You will never enter that house again.

It'll keep raining and

You will be drowning in it forever.

It's a lump in your throat

You won't be able to shake.

It's a tear in your heart

You will take to your grave.

You're scared of the heights but to lose it to jump from the building of hope, screaming forever and dying every minute. To lose is to never hit the ground and forever be in wait for your death, broken and terrified. You'll deserve all the heavens, but you'll be standing outside the gates in wait, gasping and dying but still alive.

To lose is to witness your heaven collide.

Terrified and lost with no one in sight.

And this will be your cage,

With no escape and no return.

You'll watch yourself get quietly burned.

To lose is to pull out shards of ice from you heart.

Chilling breeze near your house of cards,

Witnessing it all falling apart.

The warmth will go missing from your life

And nothing else will suffice.

It’s an art gallery of broken dreams,

Terrifying like children's screams.

And all of them will look at you in awe, wishing that they never saw you. You too, will gaze at them with all your weapons surrendered, staring in the mirror with smothering wonder.

And you will feel it all at once;

Hopeful echoes of spring,

when the bluebirds died and

the sparrows winged.

The heavens of autumn,

when the flowers bloomed

and the angel singed.

The chilling winds and

shimmering lights of brightness,

Winter commences

with the suffocating quietness.

Halloween ghosts will have you reckoning

And the Christmas bells will become deafening.

The angel will halt its confiding

And forever be lost in hiding.

Its a nest moving farther away the more you'll fly towards it. Your crops of hope burned by the rain you wished to sow your land with. The moon you wished to sail towards forever disappearing in the sky. A shore drowning you in the sea the more you swim towards it. A language you tried to learn, forever lost in translation. The rhythm of your heart, broken by the song you wished to sing for life.

Everyday a new fiend will clench your throat,

But most days you'll be the one

who accords to choke.

The fervour present at dawn

will die like a setting sun, 

To come alive and burn again,

Like a glowing spark left to get shunned.

Soul will keep aching with this haze,

Longing for sanity’s embrace. 

Ample time will drift putting up this fight,

Need a plunge to begin this life.

And this goes on forever, body feeling like blue hues. But the blisters on the dawning moon say that it's scarred too, don’t blame it for all that ensued. Can't keep whining at your wounds and at all you had to lose.

So smother all the pain you had to take,

boating in the Dal Lake.

Ahead of you is a life to make

And for heaven's sake,

only look at willow's wake.

To live is to wake up from a broken, vivid dream, no matter the cost or how pretty it seemed. It's the vase of shattered glass, that you hugged really hard.

Some pieces are killing you,

Some are lying in the yard.

But you can't keep sitting

at the shore forever in wait,

There is another journey

you have to make.

The island is now a barren land,

With heaps of stone

and broken castles of sand.

The daylight is blinding

and all the children are hiding.

They peak at you forever in wait

But you know now it's too late.

To live is to begin after the end,

Plucking the petals of your miserable bliss.

Cowardice was once an option, now it's no more than a child's wish. You have been here too long to whine, the wit is now used to the bricks. To live is to know that the house of cards you built is not yours anymore. The seas keep calling in vain, begging you to leave, to take your ship and to sail again. The waves are quite at last and the silence is chilling as ever. The ocean will stare at you with fear, with its nerves being severed. You don’t know how to swim but to live is to jump in the sea or be stuck on this land forever.

And this forever will never end, pulling you back into the well of miserable fright. But again you'll climb to witness heaven's sight. You'll be lost on this land, looking for a map in the palm of your hand. The sunlight is burning and blinding but to live is to wait for the night somewhere in hiding. Trudging in the anxious sea, working your way around it. You will die every second, wishing that you may find it.

You'll be happily dressed in wounds,

A pearl necklace with a noose.

Tears frozen like shards of ice,

Staring lifeless at the gray skies.

Broke your armor on the way

And all your swords are rusted.

Face pale and white like a daisy.

Lost all the blood, it makes you hazy.

You are burning slow and sinking fast.

But the deep blue sea fills you with glee

And the dark smoke fills you with hope.

And this road is coming to an end now.

Your sword's thrown away,

You're leaving this road astray.

History books are busy amending

And this war is finally ending.

Your sun is setting,

But it will never blind you again.

The bittersweet dyes your soul

With wretched stains.

The wolves, howling forever,

Shall see you grinning with pain.

You’re racing with the voice of reason

And with stealth.

With the maps of meaning,

Racing with yourself.

Trembling and falling,

howling and bawling,

shrieking and crawling,

gasping and dying,

broken and crying,

anxious and sighing,

reckless and breathless,

scared and helpless,

blurred and smeared,

loved and reared,

hated and feared.

You shall feel it all at once,

forever, and ever.

And yet again,

You shall rise

To the heights of the highest heavens.

And yet again,

You shall swim

To the depths of the deepest oceans.

Till the sound of your heartbeat ends,

You'll live to see reality bend.

Till all the seas evaporate,

higher than ever,

You shall rise.

Till this leap of faith

lands you in the grave,

higher than ever,

You shall rise. 

Subscribe now